Speculate to Accumulate

Ok, so everybody dreams of it, earning lots of money through a lottery win or successful business. People ask me where I see myself in the future. In my head I'm thinking a luxury yacht in Monaco, entertaining my showbiz pals. In reality I'm saying project manager, top marketer... All that carry on.

Either way, on my travels around the UK and when I've had time to contemplate life (I have alot of time), I have come up with several strategies to get rich. All of which I copyright, until I've decided the most successful strategy. But I thought I should share my initial thoughts.

1. The Bake Shop: Everyone loves cake, which has led to many cake shops being built. But this is where the witty swing occurs. All fast food shops do the same pastry products and sandwiches which can get boring. Well maybe not boring as they are yum but sometimes you fancy a change, like the same thought process a transvestite goes through! So my master plan is to create the 'Bake shop', which will specialize in pasta bakes, baked potatoes and all sorts of other 'baked' goods with different fillings, piled into a box to have on the go. Although you wont be able to get 'baked' I'm afraid and if you didn't understand that, do not worry, I wont judge. Anyway, genius I know. Wondering why you didn't think of it? Because your not a genius. This will be bigger than Nandos, Nothing beats nandos,  no doubt about it, I mean why have yum chicken when you can have a bit of spud or pasta? My thoughts exactly. This is a money maker waiting to happen. Next time your on a train, imagine how much better life would be with a Bake Shop at the station. 
2. The lottery: Yeah this bad boy, buy a ticket, win a few million, speaks for itself. And if you don't buy a ticket, you don't win the raffle. Simples. I used to genuinely believe I would win the lottery for about two years, how naive of me, this method is quite frankly ridiculous. I've got a better chance of attracting Mila Kunis, which maybe isn't such a bad thing actually ;) But yes, the lottery is pretty much a secret tax for people on benefits who think that the lottery is the answer to their problems. I know the answer to their problems, stop inbreeding and sponging off the state if you don't have to, as there's dustbins to be collected and roads to be sweeped, if you can work, you should work regardless of whether your better off or not. 
3. Car Advertising: So this has probably already been put forward in some form or another, but my idea is to advertise stuff on private cars. Clever eh! We drive our cars everywhere and they could be a prime piece of advertising space, so, give the customer money to put a livery on their cars and charge companies for each advertisement. The more densely populated it is where you live, the more money charged which means the more money you earn. So if you live in the middle or nowhere, maybe this isn't for you. You'll also need a car. 
4. Britain's Got Talent: This one is very much work in progress as I've hit a problem in the planning phase, I have no talent. I'm like Stephen Hawkins in the sense that all I'm good for is sitting on my ass all day, playing with computers. I don't have a dog, although I'd love one, I'm not athletic, I can't sing, I can't dance! You get the picture. But I will come up with something, eventually and Cowell will love it!

In short, Sir Alan Sugar started off by selling ice creams out of a van so maybe I could start off by selling pasta bakes out of a van, or a car... with adverts on the side (See what I did there). Then I could have a personalised number plate, next to no hair and a show on the BBC searching for 30 year old apprentices who all already claim to be successful. If you're successful why are you on the program in the first place, bunch of twats. Apparently that is the dream these days either way. I wonder if Alan would have some advertisement on the side of his Rolls Royce? Probably so, that's how good it is.